What Does It Take To Make Lasting Changes In Your Life?

 

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Are you ready to make changes in your life that last more than a few days or weeks?

You may have already tried to make changes in your life, but found that they don't last. In this article, I'll offer you some help on how you can make the changes you want in your life, and more importantly, what it takes to make them last.

Many people try to make changes in their lives, but then get frustrated when those changes don't last. They can then start to think about giving up trying to make a change, and end up settling for less than they want.

If this sounds like you, then don't worry, you've come to the right place!

Many of us want to make changes in our lives. These changes can sometimes be small, other times they can be something that changes your life significantly. Making changes can often seem difficult, or you may feel that it's too late to make a change. But the good news is that, not only is it never too late to make changes for the better, but once you have a process in place, making changes can feel a lot easier, and the change can be longer lasting.

If you've been finding it difficult to make lasting changes, the first thing you need to do is to understand what's important to you.

Ask yourself questions such as:

• "What do I love doing?"
• "What am I really good at?"
• "How do I spend my time?"
• "What do I enjoy talking about to other people?"
• "What do I think about the most?"
• "What do I spend my money on?"

Asking yourself questions like these can help you to identify what's really important to you.

Once you understand what's really important to you, you can start looking at what choices you need to make, and what actions you can take, that will help you to get where you want to be in your life.

Maybe you want to start a new career, lose some weight, stop smoking, or learn a musical instrument or new language. Whatever the change you want, it's important to understand why you want to make the change if you want to be successful and make the change last.

Your level of readiness to make a change will determine how successful you are, and how long it will take. Once you make the decision to change, and have identified what you need to do to make the changes, you must practice those new actions and behaviours one day at a time until they become a habit. Making them a habit will ensure that your changes become long lasting. 

Sometimes, just embracing the concept of change can be a big thing, and many people can struggle with the idea that they can change. Why could this be? For some people, it could be a sense of fear of what will happen when they change, or they may fear failure if they think they won't be able to change. Some people may put off change because they don't think they have the time or resources to make the change. What puts people off changing may not be the same for each person. Everyone reacts differently to change, whether this is a conscious or unconscious response.

To help you start to make lasting changes in your life, you may need to let go of certain assumptions or ways of doing things. Don't be afraid to change the way you look at things, being open-minded will help make room for new ideas.

If you're normally a closed-minded type of person, work on this one day at a time until you feel comfortable with being open-minded. If you find it difficult to work on something new for a long time, break the time you spend on it into smaller chunks. If this still seems difficult for you at the start, just find one thing that you can do to get you started. Once you've started, you'll likely find that the time you spend on the actions you need to take will increase. You'll also find yourself, not only getting more comfortable with the actions that you need to do, but also becoming inspired to take those actions.

To make any change, you need to start wherever you are and stretch a bit more each time.

If you're struggling to work out where you are, I have another post on where to start when making a change, over here: Be You, Be Exceptional: Making Changes - Start With A Baseline

If you find yourself not taking the necessary actions to change, or start to experience resistance to the change, try to identify the cause or circumstances at the time, such as who you were with, where you were, or your emotional state.

Don't worry or feel guilty about set-backs, these are a normal part of change. The key is to get up and get back on the path. You may find yourself going backwards and forwards a few times, because making a lasting change can be difficult, and your level of readiness to change will determine how successful you are, and how much time it will take.

To make any real and lasting change, you need to be ready, able and willing to make that change happen.

When you're trying to make a change in your life you can sometimes feel like you've hit a brick wall. If you find yourself getting frustrated with making a change, this quote from Billy Cox may help spur you on:

"Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone"

Wrapping it up!

Making changes last in the long-term is entirely possible, even if you currently feel like you're struggling to make a desired change last.

The first step to making a change is understanding what's important to you. This will help you to make sure that you're committed to making the change.

Another important thing to remember when making any change, is that change can sometimes take a long time to achieve, particularly if you're looking to make a big change. So, being patient and persistent can be critical, especially when you start hitting the inevitable challenges that you will face when trying to make changes in your life.

If you're ready to make changes, take the required action, be persistent and patient, then you're well on your way to making the sort of lasting changes in your life that you've only been able to dream about up until now.

If you haven't yet determined what's truly important to you, then I can highly recommend this FREE Values Determination exercise by Dr John Demartini. This exercise has made a significant difference in my life by helping me to determine what my highest values are. By knowing my highest values, I'm able to ensure that my decisions and actions are more in line with what is truly important to me. This helps me to identify what changes are important and necessary, and gives me the inspiration and discipline to follow through with those changes. 

Try Dr John Demartini's FREE Values Determination exercise here:  

https://drdemartini.com/values/?tk=8714

24 Quotes For Inspiration

 

If you’re struggling for inspiration, here are 24 quotes to help get you feeling inspired again:

1. “My attitude enables me to inspire myself and others by refusing to give up and focusing on what I can do, rather than on what I can’t do... at the moment” – Unknown

2. “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence” – Helen Keller

3. “If you find yourself wishing you were “normal,” be thankful and celebrate your uniqueness. Most people spend a lifetime trying to stand out in a crowd” – Unknown

4. “When people or events discourage me, I remember my spirit is not of this world; so I am not restricted by worldly things” – Unknown

5. “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty” – Maya Angelou

6. “It’s ok to outgrow people who aren’t able to grow with you. You are simply making room for someone who can grow with you from this point on” – Unknown

7. “My past has no power over me unless I allow it. That’s why I let it go unless I learned a helpful lesson” – Unknown

8. “In life, people constantly test you. They may bring out the best or worst in you. Recognise which is which so you can increase the positive aspects and effects” – Unknown

9. “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will” – Vince Lombardi

10. “Behind each success story, there is also an underlying story of someone who doubted” – Unknown

11. “You are an inspiration to others. Just ask your children, friends, relatives, co-workers, and even casual acquaintances” – Unknown

12. “If you do the right thing, you will inspire others to do the right thing” – Sri Chinmoy

13. “I do not regret my past battles and difficulties. They have given me a strength I could never have imagined having unless I had personally experienced them” – Unknown

14. “Hope is the only thing that is stronger than fear” – Unknown

15. “No one is useless in this world, who lightens the burden of it to anyone else” – Charles Dickens

16. “People who love me see my greatest potential and share those visions with me, which inspires me to turn them into reality” – Unknown

17. “One of your most important tasks is to find what inspires you and use it to your advantage when you feel like giving up” – Unknown

18. “Stop negativity in its tracks. Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not” – Paulo Coelho

19. “It’s natural for people and things to come and go in your life. Focus on the people who remain in your life by choice. These people tend to grow with you” – Unknown

20. “The beauty that comes from pain isn’t revealed until the healing has begun” – Unknown

21. “People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude” – John C. Maxwell

22. “When you feel like you just can’t stand any more pressure, remember how diamonds are created” – Unknown

23. “You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody” – Maya Angelou

24. “I will be patient with myself as I develop into the person I am meant to be. Being perfect is not the goal. Continuing to grow in a positive direction is the goal” – Unknown

The Power Of A Dream

I really enjoy watching videos or listening to podcasts where people talk about the dreams they had and how they achieved them, despite the set-backs and the difficulties that they faced. I find them inspiring and they help me to refocus on my dreams when I’m feeling stuck or uninspired. They inspire me to look at my own dreams and to realise that not only is it ok to dream, but that going after my dreams is the most fulfilling and rewarding activity that I can do with my life, whether that’s a small dream or a big dream.

Unfortunately, as adults we often lose sight of our dreams as we fall into the rut of doing what we think we should be doing in our day-to-day lives, rather than what we truly want to do.

By their early thirties most people will have likely lost sight of their true dreams, or are too busy chasing a ‘dream’ that they think is theirs but is actually someone else’s, and end up falling into a rut. During their average working time from the age of 25 to 65, the majority of people generally go back and forth to work and say to themselves things like: "I wish...”; “If only I could have...” “If only I knew then what I know now" and many other similar statements as to why they don’t feel fulfilled in life. The key in life to feeling fulfilled is to simply listen to your inner spirit and make your daily work something that you love to do and which will help you achieve your true dreams.

The key word in that sentence is “dreams”. If I were to ask you where you saw yourself in 2 to 5 years from now, would you be able to give me a clear and definite answer? Or would you respond with something vague or even with something like "Just let me make it to this weekend"!?

The underlying reason why people don’t know where they’re going to be is that they haven’t taken the time to identify their true dreams, those that come from within them and that are aligned to their true purpose in life.

An often forgotten, but important, factor in helping you to achieve your goals and dreams is who you surround yourself with. You may have heard the quote that “you are the average of the five people around you”. If you find that you don’t have the wealth that you want, look at the people that you spend the most time with – is wealth an important area of their lives? If you want to lose weight and be in good physical shape, look at the people around you – how important is health and physical fitness to them? I’m going to guess that the people you spend the most time with reflect the life that you currently have.

The good news is that you can use this understanding to identify the types of people that you can surround yourself with to help you reach your goals and dreams. If you want to be a high-level athlete, look for athletes that you admire and want to be like. Do you want to be good at a particular musical instrument? Find people who play that instrument better than you and spend time around them. Do you want to improve your financial situation? Find people who are wealthy and spend time with them to learn what they know about money.

Spending time with people who have achieved what you want to achieve not only gives you access to valuable information on how to achieve your dreams, but these people will also encourage you to succeed. When you surround yourself with people who don’t have similar goals and dreams to yourself, they can often have a negative impact on your mindset by giving you reasons why you won’t succeed, or why your dreams aren’t important.

The group of supportive individuals that you surround yourself with is often referred to as your mastermind team.

You may look around the people that you currently know and not recognise anyone who meets the description of the type of person that you would like in your mastermind team. But don’t worry, the right people will start to show up in your life when you get clear on your vision. If you still can’t see anyone around you to begin with, be more flexible in your approach. If you want to start your own business, look for entrepreneurs you resonate with and look for their books, podcasts, training courses, etc. They’ll still be acting as a mentor and guide, and sharing their knowledge and mindset, even if you’re not in direct contact with them.

If you currently don’t think you have any clear dreams to inspire you, then you need to stop right now, take a personal inventory of your life, and ask yourself these three questions:

1. What is my WHY in life?  (Why am I getting up each and every day?)

2. WHERE do I see myself 2 -5 years from now?

3. WHO is in my Mastermind Team, and who do I want to be in it?

When you answer these questions, you need to be honest and truthful with yourself. Your truth will set you free to live a more authentic and fulfilling life.

The key to living a rich and fulfilled life is waking up each and every day with a driving desire to achieve your "WHY”.

If you haven’t already, then you need to bring your dreams back to life!

Making Changes - Start With A Baseline

 

Making changes in your life is great and it’s the way we grow and develop as people. Change is a constant process and is part of being human. When you embark on changing anything in your life, you need to start from where you are. However, if you’re not clear on where you are, it will be difficult to effectively make a change.

You have to start with a baseline.

Starting with a baseline is about figuring out where you are, and what you’re doing, so that you know exactly what needs to be changed. Whilst it may sound odd to suggest that we don’t know where we are, many of us are unaware of what we do day-to-day. Most of our thoughts and actions have become routine – they’ve become a habit.

If you want to lose weight, the first thing you would do is keep a record of what you’re eating, by keeping a food journal for a week. This gives you a baseline of your typical diet. You may be surprised to see, not only how much you were eating, but also what you were eating. 

Many people will likely find themselves consistently spending more money than they make, and this, I would expect, is because they’re not tracking what they’re spending, especially on a credit card.

Have you ever felt like you just don't have enough time to accomplish everything you need, or want, to do? Have you ever tracked the time you spend during the day to see how you’re spending it? When you do, it can make you painfully aware that you waste many hours, particularly through activities such as watching television or scrolling through social media.

Many of us are on autopilot and we’re simply not aware of what we’re doing. When you track something - and this works with anything - you have a real picture of where you are, and what needs to change.

Therefore, the first step in making any change is awareness. You have to become aware of what you’re doing and exactly where you are for any given area of your life before you can proceed forward.

Keeping a log of everything you do throughout your day, for a week or two, will help you keep track of how you’re using your resources and provide you with valuable information that will support the change you’re looking to make.

Track things such as how much money you spend, how long you exercise for, how many hours of sleep you get, how long you spend scrolling through social media or how long you spend working on your goals. Once you know the truth about where you are, you can start identifying what you can change to get you moving faster towards the life that you want.

Knowing where you are is like those guide maps that have an X printed next to "You are here". When you know where you are, you can see how to get to where you want to go.

Schedule Your Ideal Day

In this video clip, psychologist and author, Jordan Peterson, says that not only is it important for us to specify our goals, but we should also schedule our ideal day.

It’s important that we first set ourselves clear and specific goals, otherwise we will go through life not knowing where to aim our efforts. The setting of clear and specific goals also helps us to identify when we’re failing. If we don’t know we’re failing, we’ll just keep on failing.

Once we’ve set clear and specific goals, we then need to create a schedule, and stick to it.

The rule to remember when setting a schedule is that it’s not a prison that ties you into doing all the things that you feel you ‘should’ do, but instead it should be set up for the day that you want.

It’s important that you include your responsibilities and obligations in your ideal schedule, as you’ll need to manage those in addition to your desires. But you should ask yourself what the right ratio of responsibilities to reward is for your ideal day, and then negotiate with yourself through the day so that you balance your responsibilities with rewards.

“You need to know what your damn time is worth”

- Jordan Peterson

 

Perseverance: The Key To Success

 

Perseverance is continuing to do something in spite of the obstacles or difficulties that may arise. It is one of the best qualities to have, because with perseverance, success in your endeavours is almost guaranteed.

To persevere we need to have faith that we actually can succeed. If we don’t believe success is possible for us, we won’t be motivated to continue. If we don’t have much belief in ourselves, we’ll likely quit our efforts more readily. And when we quit, this seems to give credit to the idea that we couldn’t have succeeded anyway, which further decreases our belief in ourselves. Sadly, this negative loop can develop into a regular habit.

However, the opposite is also true. If we believe that we’ll succeed, then we're less likely to give up. We may encounter great difficulties or even defeats, but because we believe that we’ll ultimately succeed, even with failures, we just change our approach or adjust our goals a little and keep going. Because we keep trying and adjusting, we greatly improve our chances of success. The more we persevere in the face of challenges, the more it becomes a habit.

So, at the heart of success is the ability to persevere. But how do we encourage this quality in ourselves?

Be aware of when you have a desire to give up too early. Then take a pause and remind yourself that perseverance will almost always lead to success. When you start a new challenge or goal, make a promise to yourself that you’ll try it for a specific period of time and won’t quit before that time is up. Make the interval of time short if you need to, but no matter what, keep your promise and don’t quit before the allotted time. When the deadline arrives, you can then decide if your strategy is working and whether you should continue in the same manner, or if you need to make adjustments in your strategy. Allow yourself to abandon one strategy in favour of another if, after you’ve given it a fair trial, it either doesn’t appear to be working, or you think it could be done more effectively. Don’t ever quit on your goals if they’re truly meaningful to you, only change your strategies.

4 Tips To Help You Find Your Real Self Again

 

On the surface it may seem an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please other people, whether that’s our parents, our teachers, our peers, our boss or society in general.

But you can find that often means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside. And the more you suppress who you truly are, the more you find yourself becoming frustrated with your life and the world around you. In fact, the harder you try to fit in and please other people, the further away from happiness and fulfilment you often seem to get.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have a healthy relationship with anyone else.

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 4 tips to help you rediscover the real you.

Tip 1: Quiet the noise in your head

You know that noise well! The voices that are constantly nagging you to do your daily chores, make other people happy, and conform to other people’s expectations. With all that noise going on, it’ll be impossible for you to hear anything that your true self is trying to tell you. This is why it’s important that this is the first step in finding your real self again. But how do you do that?

There are many ways that can help you do this. Meditation and mindfulness can help you to calm the thoughts going through your head. Setting up systems and simplifying your life, such as creating daily plans or unsubscribing from emails that you no longer read, helps you to reduce the clutter and chaos in your life, which helps you to start focusing on who you truly are and what you truly want in life.

Tip 2: Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways

Your feelings of self-worth and deserve will have significant impacts on the quality of the life you live. The higher they are, the more abundance and happiness you’ll find enters your life. Conversely, the lower they are, the more lack and unhappiness you’ll experience. In order to improve the way you see yourself you must first believe that you are valuable, and that your real self has something to offer the world. 

One of the best, and easiest, ways to do this is through your self-talk. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined (that’s a lot of talk!), it’s up to you to establish healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously be aware of how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts and turn them around so that you’re telling yourself the healthy opposite. For example, if you find yourself saying something like “I never do anything right”, find examples in your life that prove this statement to be wrong. It doesn’t have to be a big success, it can be something really simple that you do every day but take for granted, and then change your self-talk to the opposite such as “I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”

Tip 3: Listen to your heart

This sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and only go with our heads – a lot of which has been put there by other people. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important. Your feelings are guiding you through life. If you consciously decide to do something, but you have a feeling that is either negative or doesn’t make you feel inspired, take the time to review what you’ve decided to do and try to break it down into why it might not be making you happy or inspired. However, be mindful that this may not be all bad. Sometimes we mistake excitement for fear, or we can want something so badly that we fear not getting it if we go for it, so it’s important to analyse why a decision we make is making us feel a certain way.

Tip 4: Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal

When you’re setting goals, it’s important to remember that what you’re really after is a feeling, such as respect, love or appreciation, as opposed to the expensive car, big house or a great partner. Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how they’ll satisfy who you really are. This will help to ensure that what you’re going after will truly satisfy you and fulfil your life.

When you accept your real self again, you'll make authentic and smarter choices, and these choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. People will start to appreciate and love you for who you truly are. Now, that's what you're really looking for in life, isn't it?

But first you have to learn to appreciate and love who you truly are, and the tips above will help you along that journey.