4 Tips To Help You Find Your Real Self Again

 

On the surface it may seem an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please other people, whether that’s our parents, our teachers, our peers, our boss or society in general.

But you can find that often means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside. And the more you suppress who you truly are, the more you find yourself becoming frustrated with your life and the world around you. In fact, the harder you try to fit in and please other people, the further away from happiness and fulfilment you often seem to get.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have a healthy relationship with anyone else.

If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 4 tips to help you rediscover the real you.

Tip 1: Quiet the noise in your head

You know that noise well! The voices that are constantly nagging you to do your daily chores, make other people happy, and conform to other people’s expectations. With all that noise going on, it’ll be impossible for you to hear anything that your true self is trying to tell you. This is why it’s important that this is the first step in finding your real self again. But how do you do that?

There are many ways that can help you do this. Meditation and mindfulness can help you to calm the thoughts going through your head. Setting up systems and simplifying your life, such as creating daily plans or unsubscribing from emails that you no longer read, helps you to reduce the clutter and chaos in your life, which helps you to start focusing on who you truly are and what you truly want in life.

Tip 2: Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways

Your feelings of self-worth and deserve will have significant impacts on the quality of the life you live. The higher they are, the more abundance and happiness you’ll find enters your life. Conversely, the lower they are, the more lack and unhappiness you’ll experience. In order to improve the way you see yourself you must first believe that you are valuable, and that your real self has something to offer the world. 

One of the best, and easiest, ways to do this is through your self-talk. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined (that’s a lot of talk!), it’s up to you to establish healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously be aware of how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts and turn them around so that you’re telling yourself the healthy opposite. For example, if you find yourself saying something like “I never do anything right”, find examples in your life that prove this statement to be wrong. It doesn’t have to be a big success, it can be something really simple that you do every day but take for granted, and then change your self-talk to the opposite such as “I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”

Tip 3: Listen to your heart

This sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and only go with our heads – a lot of which has been put there by other people. Those two must reconnect in order to find your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important. Your feelings are guiding you through life. If you consciously decide to do something, but you have a feeling that is either negative or doesn’t make you feel inspired, take the time to review what you’ve decided to do and try to break it down into why it might not be making you happy or inspired. However, be mindful that this may not be all bad. Sometimes we mistake excitement for fear, or we can want something so badly that we fear not getting it if we go for it, so it’s important to analyse why a decision we make is making us feel a certain way.

Tip 4: Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal

When you’re setting goals, it’s important to remember that what you’re really after is a feeling, such as respect, love or appreciation, as opposed to the expensive car, big house or a great partner. Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how they’ll satisfy who you really are. This will help to ensure that what you’re going after will truly satisfy you and fulfil your life.

When you accept your real self again, you'll make authentic and smarter choices, and these choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. People will start to appreciate and love you for who you truly are. Now, that's what you're really looking for in life, isn't it?

But first you have to learn to appreciate and love who you truly are, and the tips above will help you along that journey.